"Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality" This what Donald Miller wrote in the beginning of his book "Blue Like Jazz". I just started reading this book and I am only half way through, but it already is becoming my favorite book. I won't spoil it, but I HIGHLY advise everyone to read it. Its a totally new look on things, written in new ways. Sometimes when I read Christian books I feel like I don't really learn things because sometimes people just keep repeating the same concepts and thoughts people have, just in new ways and with more fluff. They spend hundreds of pages saying something they could have said in two. Yeah its nice to have verses, and other references proving points, but it can get dull and I don't feel challenged by it. This book has personal stories about Don's life and the people he encountered. Its an engaging story as well as a book that teaches so much about God and how much he loves us and how we can better love him and others, and how to truly Live our lives. I will probably write more on what I think about this book when I'm finished, but I think everyone should read this so that they can encounter the passion that I am when I read it. I have never thought this much in my life about some of the things he challenges me with.
"I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxaphone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.
After that I liked jazz music.
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened."
Donald Miller's author's note in Blue like Jazz
Reading this book I feel like I am watching Don do what he loves, and that is to love and live. It makes me love life and others more myself...
Monday, March 15, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
New Place in Life
As you all [Angela] know, I previously went to Malone University where I studied Youth Ministry and Music. I loved [and still love] Malone with all my heart, but through a long course of events I feel God leading me elsewhere. God has shown me that the power-driven, money-sucking, life taking evil aka college, wasn't right for me. [I don't actually feel that way about college. My fellow college drop out Kyle just describes it that way] I wasn't doing very well in my academics and I felt that I was only their because society tells us that every normal, good youth that wants to be a contributer to this country, and be successful, must graduate high-school and then college. For me I know that this is not the case. It was a very hard decisions leaving Malone because my love for that school and the community that it facilitates is so great, but I know that God has a new and different plan for me.
Right now this year is dedicated to saving up for the next step that will happen in 2011. I am living in a loft, in a house, a street away from campus with my sister. I am looking for a job, and for ministries and ways that I can help Canton. Next year I will be going on vacation with my family to New Zealand. I will stay in New Zealand for the month of January, and then in February I will be starting a Worship focused Discipleship Training School with YWAM in Tauranga, New Zealand. I am very excited for that great opportunity, and I hope I can use this year to grow in God and love as much as a I can. I'm going to miss being a part of Malone, but I want to stay connected as much as I can. And of course I want to see my friends as much as possible, I love them to death.
I haven't written in this for a long time, and I might not stay consistent, but I want to have something to update whoever wants to know about whats going on. I especially want to use this when I am in New Zealand next year. I am excited for what God has for me in this New place in my life.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Pam Beesly
So as some of you might already know (by you i mean whoever reads this blog, which to my understanding is noone), I am being a responsible adult this summer and working everyday from 8 to 5 in the warehouse of Turning Technologies. It has been an ineresting time full of new friends, scary moldy basements where saw 6 will be filmed, taking out cardboard, hiding in trash cans to scare my coworkers, making IR kits, updating XR keypads, feeling like a cool computer nerd, but actually doing the most simple things. Playing "name that band". Laughing at the intensity of the arguments over who is better Cobe or Lebron. Sitting in a chair popping bubble rap when i'm bored, some days wanting to blow my brains out from boredom, others being so worn out and tired that i colapse when I get home. Pulling muscles in my back, and bruising my hips and legs. Being referded to as "Ronnie Colman" and "muscles because of my amazing strength.... Basicly my experience in the warehouse has been well interesting, but now I'm moving up in the corporate ladder to RECEPTIONIST.
Actually she is in Ireland and I am just covering, but I like to think my hard work got me here... A few weeks into my job I worked in a lonely office researching tech companies for ones that did the type of broadcasting that turning needed (yeah boring). This confirmed my beliefs that I will never want to have a office job... Being the receptionist has made that belief so much stronger! Yes I do enjoy talking to people as they walk by my desk in the very front of the building and its entertaining to watch what is happening on the streets of downtown Youngstown (the other day a tractor parked in front of our building and two guys sat in it eating lunch... i laughed), but other wise i have to entertain myself with the dumbest things and I find myself feeling REALLY bad for Pam Beesly. Yes she is a fictional character, but she represents people with this job. It can be busy, then boring, stressful, then boring. Basicly I dont like it! I found myself entertaining myself for long periods of time with things like twitter (which i used to hate), white out, reading the office pranks, getting excited when they gave me jobs like alphibatising, spening hours trying to unblock facebook, playing computer mario games, watching people walk by outside, spinning in the spinny chair, Getting way to excited when anyone with a cool accent calls and almost peeing my pants when I got a call from a NEw Zealand guy! basicly this is me whining and warning you, though Pam's job may look kinda ok on tv, its not... It only is because she has Jim to come up to her desk, play pranks on people, and entertain her ... I am wallowing in self pitty right now and really wishing that i had a Jim. :(
Here is a link of office pranks done by Jim Halpert!
Actually she is in Ireland and I am just covering, but I like to think my hard work got me here... A few weeks into my job I worked in a lonely office researching tech companies for ones that did the type of broadcasting that turning needed (yeah boring). This confirmed my beliefs that I will never want to have a office job... Being the receptionist has made that belief so much stronger! Yes I do enjoy talking to people as they walk by my desk in the very front of the building and its entertaining to watch what is happening on the streets of downtown Youngstown (the other day a tractor parked in front of our building and two guys sat in it eating lunch... i laughed), but other wise i have to entertain myself with the dumbest things and I find myself feeling REALLY bad for Pam Beesly. Yes she is a fictional character, but she represents people with this job. It can be busy, then boring, stressful, then boring. Basicly I dont like it! I found myself entertaining myself for long periods of time with things like twitter (which i used to hate), white out, reading the office pranks, getting excited when they gave me jobs like alphibatising, spening hours trying to unblock facebook, playing computer mario games, watching people walk by outside, spinning in the spinny chair, Getting way to excited when anyone with a cool accent calls and almost peeing my pants when I got a call from a NEw Zealand guy! basicly this is me whining and warning you, though Pam's job may look kinda ok on tv, its not... It only is because she has Jim to come up to her desk, play pranks on people, and entertain her ... I am wallowing in self pitty right now and really wishing that i had a Jim. :(
Here is a link of office pranks done by Jim Halpert!
Only love remains (my longings)
I'm not a fan of writing things like blogs, as you can probably tell from my lack of posts, but lately I have been pushed alot to "write". I have always had this longing to write songs, but I constantly struggle with getting my self motivated to even try. I know that I am bad with words, so I automaticly assume that anything that I would write would not be any good. And I struggle with the insecurities and the fear of becoming vulnerable, and letting out what is inside.
But Lately I have felt God telling me to write through my own thoughts, and the words and wisdoms of friends and family. I asked a friend Luke who writes Christian rap how he goes about writing lyics and he told me that he writes them in many ways and sometimes they just come out while writing journals and thoughts. I struggle as it is with organizing my thoughts into a comprehendible plot, and I also struggle with even expressing how I feel. I need to work on writing and putting out my thoughts and emotions for others to hear (or read), so this is me getting practice for my hopeful future song writing. :)
I was with another friend last night, who also pushes me to write songs. He will sometimes send me text messages saying things like "i expect a song to be written by the end of the week", and he is constantly trying to force me to write songs when I'm with him. Singing and playing in front of him is even more intimidating because I have heard what he has written, and I know that whatever I write will not amount to it. Though i am terrified of writing songs, I've been realizing that it doesn't matter whether or not he, or others, enjoy what i would write because I'm writing for an audience of one. Its not for them, and the Bible says to make "a joyful noise" not necissarily a beautiful one. So i am going to work on achieving the goal of a song writer. I don't have to be a brilliant song writer, or a song writer that sells lots of records, but I want my thoughts and emotions to be out there for God, and maybe others to hear and be blessed by.
As i sat in front of my piano, Dave asked me to pick a chord progression and just start singing. He told me to sing what I was feeling and what was on my heart. I sat there thinking and had such a hard time sorting through my thoughts and feelings to put into words. So he asked me what has been on my heart lately, and I thought about it and the thing that has been on my heart lately is already a song that is someone else's words. My constant prayer the past couple of days has been JJ Heller's song " ONly love Remains". This song has been coming to my head alot lately, and I found myself saying the words in my devotional times and in my prayers. Last Sunday i walked into church and our sound guy was playing it through the system and yelled down to me that our pastor wants me to learn it and sing it. I then stated that I already know and love this song, so my worship director said, "ok then your doing it next week". Its amazing how God is using the song to change me, and I hope that maybe a song that I can write could be this passionate and have the same affect on people. The words are amazing, and I wont describe necissarily how the relate to me (because I dont want to be rambling for hours), so here are the lyrics and I hope they can bless you and touch whoever is reading them like they have me.
This is my prayer...
"Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down.
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart.
Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty.
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains.
You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light
Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains"
"Only Love Remains" by JJ Heller
But Lately I have felt God telling me to write through my own thoughts, and the words and wisdoms of friends and family. I asked a friend Luke who writes Christian rap how he goes about writing lyics and he told me that he writes them in many ways and sometimes they just come out while writing journals and thoughts. I struggle as it is with organizing my thoughts into a comprehendible plot, and I also struggle with even expressing how I feel. I need to work on writing and putting out my thoughts and emotions for others to hear (or read), so this is me getting practice for my hopeful future song writing. :)
I was with another friend last night, who also pushes me to write songs. He will sometimes send me text messages saying things like "i expect a song to be written by the end of the week", and he is constantly trying to force me to write songs when I'm with him. Singing and playing in front of him is even more intimidating because I have heard what he has written, and I know that whatever I write will not amount to it. Though i am terrified of writing songs, I've been realizing that it doesn't matter whether or not he, or others, enjoy what i would write because I'm writing for an audience of one. Its not for them, and the Bible says to make "a joyful noise" not necissarily a beautiful one. So i am going to work on achieving the goal of a song writer. I don't have to be a brilliant song writer, or a song writer that sells lots of records, but I want my thoughts and emotions to be out there for God, and maybe others to hear and be blessed by.
As i sat in front of my piano, Dave asked me to pick a chord progression and just start singing. He told me to sing what I was feeling and what was on my heart. I sat there thinking and had such a hard time sorting through my thoughts and feelings to put into words. So he asked me what has been on my heart lately, and I thought about it and the thing that has been on my heart lately is already a song that is someone else's words. My constant prayer the past couple of days has been JJ Heller's song " ONly love Remains". This song has been coming to my head alot lately, and I found myself saying the words in my devotional times and in my prayers. Last Sunday i walked into church and our sound guy was playing it through the system and yelled down to me that our pastor wants me to learn it and sing it. I then stated that I already know and love this song, so my worship director said, "ok then your doing it next week". Its amazing how God is using the song to change me, and I hope that maybe a song that I can write could be this passionate and have the same affect on people. The words are amazing, and I wont describe necissarily how the relate to me (because I dont want to be rambling for hours), so here are the lyrics and I hope they can bless you and touch whoever is reading them like they have me.
This is my prayer...
"Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down.
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart.
Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty.
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains.
You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light
Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains"
"Only Love Remains" by JJ Heller
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The blog!
(WARNING this blog will be full of many gramatical, and spelling errors, so if u are english major or you have a love for mechanics and cool vernacular then you may not want to read this blog)
*ahem* well today i had this amazing revelation of how i should share my thoughts with the world and start a blog! Actually Kelly and Angela have one, and I wanted to be able to read theirs. I was sitting in my room and Katie Woods walked in so I asked her and my brilliant roommate (whom I keep asking how to spell things) what to name my blog. And they, with trumendous team work, came up with the name "pondering and contemplating Erin's musings". Its very abnoxious and makes me seem like I have alot to say.... Sorry to dissapoint, but I dont... Katie also came up with the URL "Erinistheshiz" which of course I agreed to. So thats my blog about my blog.... When I come up with something to say then i will!
Click here to see pretty much my favorite thing...
*ahem* well today i had this amazing revelation of how i should share my thoughts with the world and start a blog! Actually Kelly and Angela have one, and I wanted to be able to read theirs. I was sitting in my room and Katie Woods walked in so I asked her and my brilliant roommate (whom I keep asking how to spell things) what to name my blog. And they, with trumendous team work, came up with the name "pondering and contemplating Erin's musings". Its very abnoxious and makes me seem like I have alot to say.... Sorry to dissapoint, but I dont... Katie also came up with the URL "Erinistheshiz" which of course I agreed to. So thats my blog about my blog.... When I come up with something to say then i will!
Click here to see pretty much my favorite thing...
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